A-Lee's Home

This is it

Goodbye...
its a hardest word to say
don't understand why people think its important to say it sometimes
it never gives you a good feeling

even though people say it to you
and you say it to them too
you know, you will never hear me say it to you
and I hope I will never hear you say it to me too

because its not our goodbye sweetheart
it is simply that I'll miss you...

Balikpapan, 11 February 2010

Is this it?
Is the time is coming?
Time for me to let you go?
It has been tough
Pretend as if you would always be here
But I realize I will have to face it someday
A moment to see you drag your bags and leave

but... It's not goodbye

You might leave
for the next hello

I believe so...

25 years I've spent my breath, my heart beats, my life
I've seen rains, I've seen rainbows
I've tasted bitter, I've tasted sweet
I've watched a beautiful dawn
I felt a pacifying morning breeze while a humming bird sang a song of life
Life is amazing...

Thank God for giving me chance to spend these whole wonderful years
if I allowed to make a wish now
I would like to have another thoughtful experiences, beautiful moments and miraculous journey on my step ahead...

Balikpapan, 25 January 2010

Love...
bittersweet...
you'll fly when its sweet gently touch your heart
but a sudden bitter pil could drop you down in a second

I'm down, deep down,
sinking into a sea of misery
out of breath
out of my mind
struggling to reach the surface
this cannot be happening
I'm scared...
I would sink deeper and deeper instead
and I'm dying
dark, darker, darkest
.............
light dot, bigger, lighter
hope takes place
hope this is just a nightmare
hope that the sea would just ran dry
hope I would have energy to push myself up to the surface
hope there would be someone who grab my hand out of here
hope...

there will always be a hope
when you believe

you may not be there to laugh with me when we are watching a funny tv show
you may not be there being crazy or grumpy
you may not be there to share our chocolate ice cream
you may not be there to hug me when I'm down
you may not be there to kiss me
you may not be there to whisper to my ear that you love me
you may not be around anymore and experience our life together
it will be hard, really hard
it will also change me, I will not be the same anymore
but there will be only one thing will remains
its my love for you...
it will be there in my heart for last
because its your heart that my heart beats for
and there is always a place in it that you can call home

I know I will just gonna be allright
I'm a dreamer
and I will never give up of hope...

Balikpapan, first hour of 24 Jan 2010

Things happen for a reason
I believe so...

But what is the reason when you have to be apart from your beloved one
right after you just started it, when you just believed that you are meant to be together,
when the things happened was just so right?
What is the explanation for such a disaster like that?

Its so unfair... :(

It took me an amazing journey to get here
to believe again that I'm loved
There's a ruin in my heart which I can rebuild nicely once he came in
It's a place in me that is completed by him
He's the one who will be there
to be my lover,
my friend,
my should to cry on,
my shelter,
my home,
God, You know how it means to me...
I may not understand why you do this to me now
I just believe you are preparing a best gift for me
Whatever happen, I give it up to you
But would you please keep this to his heart,
that wherever he will go
there is always a place in me that he can call home...
a place where he can always come back...


*jet'aimecheri*

Balikpapan, 19 January 2010

The Ugly Truth!
Yeah, the truth is ugly sometimes
it would be ugly not because it is wrong
its more because the truth is not seems good,
not happened between the right persons,
in the right time and in the right moment.
the more is when it's speaking about relationship.
It could be a disaster!
Well, sounds like my day

I am not kind a-vent-giver
for some people it would sounds good not to expose your life,
but it is ugly when you do the same in a relationship (trust me, its the beast)
my heart is a very private place
I keep everything in it (I'm very good on doing this)
I used to do it by experience of course and practice, not because I want to, it was because I have to.
Because I used to be hurted when I tried to speak out,
I've dictated to be strong, it was forbidden for me to complain,
I have to accept anything come to my face

Now...
Thank God to send me a Caring Angel
But stupid me who break his wings
I'm dying because of my own stupid act - as a-poor-lonely-girl
I should spank myself and wake up, see that I have an Angel who will stand by me now at anytime
I'm not alone anymore
All I have to do now is to take my new role as a-happy-loving-girl
But we all know that an antagonist actress cannot change to be a protagonist one overnight, right?
all I need is just time
also a guide how to give vent to my Angel whose absolutely will not kill me in any kind of way

It was my ugly truth
I dont regret it, because it helps me to find my beautiful one under my Angel's wings

Angel...
For My-beloved-Mom-in-heaven sake
Please... forgive me...
help me out of this dark scene of my life
pour me with your magic-stick-lights
hold me into your warm wings
take me fly
and free


*dyingintheseaofmisery*

Sunday, 29 November 2009

Cloudy Sunday morning, doesn't seem like the sun willing to shine.
Just exactly like how I feel, it's grey. Not sure where to go, what to do, what to say, what to think, nothing...
It's like the whole world now conspires to torture me...

I asked to myself what I did wrong and I found nothing.
It was so great at all!

I don't know why but I found a doubt in your eyes. It's killing you but you prefer to keep it for yourself. I hope you will share it with me before it explode you.

I'm a big girl, so please trust me when I say I'll be fine. I'm ready with what you will decide.
You know what you are doing so I believe you'll be happy with it...

I don't mind to say another goodbye, maybe the third one within 3 months.
But please say it as soon as possible, because I have a life to live... That's all I ask.

sittingalonecrying

Doh, mumet ni... lagi ribet2nya mikirin skripsi, harus kelar bulan Mei depan. Gila!!

Sebenernya ga pengen bikin skripsi sih, tapi krn mayoritas temen2 yang lain milih untuk bikin skripsi jadi terpaksa deh gw dan 1 orang temen gw yang sama2 milih untuk bikin riset terapan harus ikutan skripsi juga. Kyknya sih dosen pembimbingnya ga mo repot gitu ngurusin yg beda2. Padahal kan gw dah males banget ngurusin skripsi, bukan sombong sih (padahal iya, hahahaha), tapi gw sebenernya ga punya banyak sekali waktu untuk nulis skripsi, boro2 ngelakuin penelitiannya. Huh, ngebayanginnya aja udah bikin kepala pusing.

Udah gitu yang bikin sebel, itu anak2 yang lain kesannya semangat banget mo skripsian. Usut punya usut, ternyata eh ternyata, waktu mereka D2 kemaren itu ga bikin Tugas Akhir Diploma, yaaaa... pantes aja. Belom tau ngerasain betapa resenya bikin penelitian. Bete deh gw. Dosennya jg nyebelin ni, dari awal kita disuruh milih, eh begitu udah milih malah ga mau ada yg beda2. Klo gitu mah mendingan ga usah suruh milih sekalian. Kan Gw merasa tertipu dan ga dihargai jadinya.

Oia, yang lucu ada salah satu alasan dari anak2 itu kenapa mereka milih bikin skripsi dgn segala keribetannya daripada bikin riset terapan yang singkat dan ga ribet. Katanya gini: Ntar klo ga bikin skripsi kan ga bisa jadi PNS ato jadi caleg. OMG!!! Ga ada niat sedikit pun di hati gw pengen jadi caleg... Ga pernah kebayang jg gw majang poster2 gw di pinggir2 jalan dengan tulisan "Caleg masa depan". Hahahaha. Ga banget!!

but Anyway, tampaknya gw ga punya pilihan selain ngikut bikin skripsi. Yah, mo gimana lagi, ga tau deh ntar hasilnya gimana, sebodo teuing! Yang gw yakin, hari dimana gw pendadaran nanti akan datang, apapun hasilnya, cuma Allah yang tau. Tapi gw yakin hari itu pasti akan datang, hari dimana gw bebas dari segala beban ini. Amin....

21 March 2009

Dunia serasa berbalik menyerangku. Kini aku lumpuh. Aku bahkan tak mampu lagi merasakan apa yang benar-benar aku rasakan saat ini. Semuanya adalah campuran rasa sedih, menyesal, marah, kesepian dan bodoh. Aku bahkan tidak bisa menangis, walaupun aku sangat ingin untuk melepaskan segala beban di dadaku yang terasa begitu menyesakkan sampai rasanya sulit untuk bernafas.

 

Tak pernah aku merasa begini terbuang, merasa begitu tersisihkan. Aku hanya substitute – pengganti, atau lebih tepatnya aku adalah pemeran pengganti. Dia mungkin merasa nyaman berada di dekatku, menyukai ide jika bersamaku, tapi hanya sebatas itu. Jika si pemeran utama telah kembali, maka aku tidaklah lagi berarti apa-apa. Hidup akan berjalan normal lagi baginya sementara yang aku rasakan hanyalah kehancuran.

 

menyedihkan...

kriuk kriuk kriuk...

Bukan kerupuk ato keripik ato apapun jenis cemilan yang klo dimakan bunyinya kriuk kriuk garing.

kali ini kasusnya beda, gw yang kriuk kriuk, secara malam minggu pulang kuliah masih jam 7.30 malam. Jalan menuju pulang, kok kyknya banyak sekali pemandangan orang-orang pada jalan-jalan, sama keluarga, teman-teman, dan pacar. Deg! terharu gw ngeliatnya... hepi sekali sepertinya hidup mereka bisa ngabisin malam minggu dengan orang-orang tercinta.

Sementara gw... hiks... pulang kuliah, dingin habis hujan, pergilah gw ke salah satu cafe di Balikpapan yg punya fasilitas wireless gratis *uhui*. Jadi deh gw dsini sekarang, minum coklat panas sambil ngemil french fries, sendirian... kriuk kriuk... garing!

Gw sih ga pernah risih ke cafe sendirian biarpun malam minggu. Mungkin saking seringnya kali yak ngapa2in sendirian. Sedih sih kadang-kadang, seperti sekarang ini, saat kepala gw lagi penuh dengan banyak masalah. Pengennya ada seseorang yang mau denger keluh kesah gw, cerita gw, curhatan gw, but unfortunately i dont have anybody now and almost everyday...

Anyway... I know i will be fine of it, just like always. i'm great...

lonelysaturdaynight

Oke oke, skr gw udah kyk orang gila…

 

Sumpah lucu pol!!! Sampe gw ga bisa nahan biar ga ketawa. Bukan kenapa2 sih, masalahnya skr lagi di café, mending klo rame2 ama geng, gw sendirian cing!!! Hihihi. Garing abeeeeesss!!!

 

Gara2 si Arham ni… pasti dah tuh orang2 disekitar gw pada aneh ngeliat ada cewek cantik *what?!* duduk sendirian minum coklat panas sambil ketawa-ketawa sendiri melototin laptopnya….

 

Biarin ah, sudah seabad gw ga ketawa gara2 masalah kerjaan yang datang bertubi2. muka gw udah ga ada cantik-cantiknya akhir-akhir ini.

 

Anyway… thanks to Bang Ham yang tetep lucu. Lap yu muah muah dah ;)

 

ygngelanjutinngakak